A brief, real, history:
Action Park was born out of a need to find a use for a ski resort in the summer. Action Park in Vernon NJ was one of the first. And since it was built into the side of a mountain, their first tube rides used the natural terrain of the hillside as well as the cold mountain water. Literally digging ditches and covering them with a slick coating. The use of prefabricated parts was limited where possible to save costs. So the lack of dingy track, and the somewhat unrealistic movement of the ride to be voted on, is sort of accurate for the real park. Trying to go with some realism, rides might become stuck or crash and the park might be overcrowded with puke lying around. This is by design. If it does crash, just reset it and sweep it under the rug (reset crash status) just like the owners did.
Please rate the “Colorado River Experience”
Onto the show:
Welcome to Action Park! Test your wits with the WORLD’S ONLY LOOPING WATER SLIDE!!!!! please ignore the rumors that some test dummies have been recovered headless.
------Remove reference to the looping slide and to the rumor. Bad press. Bad enough it has started to fall apart. Can’t get the demo crew to work any faster due to so called ‘safety concerns’.
Get over your fear of heights by being shot skyward at 70MPH on the SPACE SHOT!!!
-----New safety blocks finally added to the top of tower to prevent car from derailing when adjusted to go faster.
----------S&S was not happy to find out we tweaked the air pressure
----Safety belts added to vests as backup
----------Hydraulic latching should be fixed by now…
Want to race boats? Well, GREAT NEWS THEY ARE BACK! Plus the water snake infestation has finally been dealt with! The old slow boats were upgraded to EXTREME JET BOATS and are now FASTER THAN EVER!!! The jet boats were brought back due to several staff getting drunk and joyriding the TURBO Karts on the local highway (true story), the TURBO Karts have been impounded by the local PD.
----Remove references to TURBO Karts joyride and snakes in the water.
----Make sure to have signs built next turbo boats to remind guests that the turbo boats are not bumper boats.
----------Need to relocate beer stand from next to boats
----------Add sign, “Please enjoy a different attraction if you have been drinking.”

Still looking for something more intense??? Well the Colorado River Experience is [accepting victims] a recreation of some of the most intense moments on the Colorado River! Float down a calm river until drops, turns, and tunnels take you for a ride!
----Can’t use the word victim in an advertisement
----Might want to relocate beer stand away from Colorado River entrance
To the editor, please remove the references addressed in the bullets at the end as well as this sentence before printing. I have run out of paper for the printer and this is the only copy I have available to send in. Please keep professional courtesy and do not disclose any of the strike outs or bullet points to anyone.

I’m definitely going to get fired over this…